D. Claire Parsons
(520) 245-1567 email@example.com davidclaireparsons.com
_______________________________________________________________Jokes by D.C. Parsons
1.The other day I decided to quit smoking. But I didn’t wanna Buy one of those electric cigarettes those seem gay. So instead I bought an electric cigar. Unfortunately all it does is vibrate in my mouth. That felt even more gay.
2. Interventions are like really bad surprise parties. All your friends are there but there’s no coke or booze.
3.The other day I got a chink in my window. Or maybe he’s samoan, either way I wish he’d get out of my windshield.
4. I was wondering where the vaginal reference Pussy comes from. When I realized, Pussy as in Pussy Cat. Cause they both ignore you whenever you want attention.
5. I was hanging out with my grandma’s church group when this little old lady said she felt Jesus come insider of her. To which I told her, “Well I hope you used protection.”
6. I remember working at a Suicide Hotline, when this one guy called and said he was thinking about killing himself. So I told him to call back once he decided. He never called Back, I guess he’s still thinking about it.
8. So I hear they’re making Skinny Jeans for Small Children now. Oh Great, as if Toddlers weren’t sexy enough.
9. The other day I was getting off on the Bus, and I don’t think the other passengers really appreciated that.
10. What’s the difference between a Baby and a Magic 8-Ball?
A magic 8-Ball say’s something after you shake it.
11. I Finally figured out why some religions are opposed to Masturbation. Masturbation is a better use of your time than Some religions.
12. This is the first joke I ever wrote when I was Stoned. “Don’t give a gun to a Shark, that only makes him twice as dangerous.”
I didn’t write anymore jokes, cause I spent the next 3 hours laughing about a shark with a gun.
13. Who was America’s First Black President?
Clinton, No one else slept with that many fat white chicks.
14. When Justin Bieber was younger, he wrote songs about being in love with 13 and 14 year old girl. And for some reason I really relate to that music.
D.C. Parsons davidclaireparsons.com (520) 245-1567
15. My Girlfriend is Korean and she’s an Amazing cook. Unfortunately we always have to buy our food by the pound. Not the weight, the Dog Pound.
16. How is a penis like a Marshmallow?
I can fit 6 in my mouth before I start choking.
17. How is a penis like a gun?
I’m usually contemplating suicide with either in my mouth.
18. My friend asked me if I think all black people look alike. I said, Of Course Not. All Asian people look alike.
19. Women always freak out about the littlest things. Like my penis.
20. What’s the difference between Fruits and Vegetables?
Fruits lay in bed with other fruits, Vegetables lay in
bed without any Brain Activity.
21. People say that drinking ruins families. But my father always said it was the other way around.
22. I saw this person wearing a T-Shirt that said “Walk for Diabetes”. And I thought to myself, that’s mean. People with Diabetes don’t have any feet.
23. What’s the difference between Priests and Monsters?
At least a monster, comes out of the closet, before it
traumatizes a small child.
24. My friend asked me the best way to save the animals and I said, In the Freezer?
25. I think Babies are Lazy, Some of them can’t even hold up their own heads, what’s with that? Get a job.
26. What’s the difference between Filipino Food, and Filipino Teenagers?
Filipino Food doesn’t taste very good.
27. Here’s my solution for Poverty. Just Feed the Poor People to the poor people.
28. What’s the difference between Hitler and my Penis?
29. What do you get when you cross a Baby with a Dead Hooker? 30. What are the 2 ways to have sex with a Quadriplegic?
My penis can get the job done…. Jean Bennet Ramsey
1) With their Permission 2) or without.